Since writing about my experience with miscarriage, “On Silence and a Tiny Butterfly”, people in my sphere tend to reach out to me when they experience unexpected pregnancy loss. I am grateful to be able to offer comfort or understanding in these moments, as I know how isolating this experience can be. Im also selfishly happy to have another person to share with and talk about the baby I lost. Because its been 5 years and I still grieve for them, especially on the day that might have been their birthday.
Miscarriage might be more common than you realize and shouldnt be a taboo topic but that doesnt mean you dont deserve to grieve. Losing a being who was part of you and who you loved and longed to meet is horrible. You dont deserve to deal with people trying to rush you through or attempting to explain away that grief. To heal you need to move through it at your own pace.
I decided it might be worthwhile to have a place to share some resources that have given me comfort and places to grieve over the years. I will try to keep this up to date as I come across more things and hopefully as more resources become available.
- Psychologist specializing in reproductive + maternal mental health who focuses a lot of activism around normalizing discussion about miscarriage grief: https://instagram.com/ihadamiscarriage
- An article about how the west has no widespread culture around grieving lost babies but how the Japanese have Jizu: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/06/well/family/the-japanese-art-of-grieving-a-miscarriage.html
- I got this Jizu statue at the Portland Japanese Garden and he lives in my garden which appears to be sold out but there are different styles on the site: https://dharmacrafts.com/collections/jizo-tara-and-other-meditation-statues-meditation-supplies/products/small-volcanic-stone-garden-jizo-statue
- Chrissy Tiegan was pretty public on instagram about her pregnancy loss and then wrote about her experience. https://chrissyteigen.medium.com/hi-2e45e6faf764
- I wasn’t as far along as her when I lost mine, but I def identified with this post from Chrissy Tiegan. The pregnancy doesn’t just disappear. You bear the scars and/or feel the hormonal impact one way or the other. You can even suffer from postpartum depression after miscarriage, on top of your grief. Be kind to yourself and get help if you need it. https://www.instagram.com/p/CJJKVFJBH9N/
- Series of blog posts about Clare Sudbery’s experience with miscarriage: https://s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/clare-test-001/BoobPencil/miscarriage-index.html
- Fran Meneses Two Part comic series about her experience.
Part I: https://www.instagram.com/p/CBqyOHhAL-u/
Part II: https://www.instagram.com/p/CBqyYI_gWFX/
- r/Miscarriage community: https://www.reddit.com/r/Miscarriage/
That’s all for now but I will add more as I find more things that resonate with me. If you are reading this while grieving a pregnancy loss, know that you deserve to feel everything you are feeling and it’s nobody’s business but your own how long it takes to heal or what you do next. ❤